Hi...

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t.

(I'm back! Whew! It's been rough. Threw my back out (could possibly be a herniated disk) and totally wrecked Christmas. Couldn't stand, couldn't sit. Flat on my back in bed from Christmas Day until Tuesday when I went back to work. But the hubs was worth his weight in gold! He waited on me hand and foot, fed the girls (our two cats) and even cleaned the litter box! He was absolutely wonderful!!)

Christmas Angel

Sorry about the late post -- I'm a bit under the weather.

Hugs, Sandy

The 12 Days of Christmas

People often think of The Twelve Days of Christmas as the days preceding the festival. Actually, Christmas is a season of the Christian Year that last for days beginning December 25 and lasting until January 6 _ the Day of Epiphany Catholic Church)_ when the church celebrates the revelation of Christ as the light of the world and recalls the journey of the Magi. From 1558 until 1829 people in England were not allowed to practice their faith openly. During this era someone wrote 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' as a kind of secret catechism that could be sung in public without risk of persecution. The song has two levels of interpretation: "the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of the church."

Each element in the carol is a code word for a religious reality.

1. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ.
2. The two turtle doves are the Old and New Testaments.
3. Three French hens stand for faith, hope and love.
4. The four calling birds are the four Gospels.
5. The five gold rings recall the torah (Law) the first five books of the Old Testament.
6. The six geese a_laying stand for the six days of creation.
7. Seven swans a_swimming represent the sevenfold gifts of the Spirit.
8. The eight maids a_milking are the eight beatitudes.
9. Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the spirit (Gal.5).
10. The ten lords a_leaping are the Ten Commandments.
11. Eleven pipers piping stand for the eleven faithful disciples.
12. Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the 12 points of belief in the Apostles Creed.

There you have it, the HIDDEN meaning of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and the secret behind the song.

Merry Christmas

A Long Winter's Nap

Winter

I don't know who painted this, but it is one of my favorites.

Wrapping...

I sure hope this works. It's really good!

http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/view.pd?i=477967254&m=9664&rr=y&source=ag99

Mike Huston

I read a blog titled High Country Archer. The man who writes the blog is husband and soul mate to a wonderful lady who is a very accomplished photographer and is a wildlife rehabilitator. He puts words down that touch your soul. He has posted a piece entitled Christmas, and this is the link to the post. I think it is beautifully written and well-worth the read. Please stop in and read what he has written. Enjoy!

http://highcountryarcher.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas.html

The Christmas Pageant

I got this delightful story from my niece in Wyoming. I don't think I've seen this one before and it was just too good not to share with all of you!

THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide.

God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son. The next year God blessed us with another son. The following year, He blessed us with yet another son. The year after that we were blessed with a daughter. My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty. We now had four children, and the oldest was only four years old.

I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it. As a minister once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs. I was off to a good start. God had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding ...

when they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs;

when my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess.

In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother -- I didn't even come close -- I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God. I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I toldmy daughter we were going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to"wash up" Jesus, too. Something was lost in the translation when I explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it was generous of God to giveus his "last wife."

My proudest moment came during the children's Christmas pageant. My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man. This was their moment to shine. My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe wrappedin swaddling clothes." But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes." My four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes." A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing.

I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-mama." Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived. My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."

The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation. "I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," laughed the pastor, wiping tears from his eyes. "For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said as I dug through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
Feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us.

If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ His Son, send this to all on your buddy list.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

(Thanks, Linda!)

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
__________________________________

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH! LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

(Thanks, Jayne!)

Cat Fact #198

I just HAD to post this one...




http://icanhascheezburger.com/

DMV

Holiday Celebration Tips

HOLIDAY CELEBRATION TIPS!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'

Most Important Tip of all: Have a great holiday season!

Playing for Change

This is awesome!

http://www.flixxy.com/peace-through-music.htm

Which is the Front of the Tree.

Do you know the front from the back of a tree?

A redneck from Georgia decides to travel across the south to Virginia to see God's country.

When he gets to Franklin, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the International Paper Company office and fills out an application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day!!! They just happen to be looking for someone, but first the log foreman takes him for a ride into the forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.

The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board fee of lumber it contains."

The redneck promptly answers, "That thar's a White Pine, 383 board feet of lumber in 'er."

The foreman is impressed!!!

He puts the truck in motion and stops about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger window and asks the same question. This time it's a bigger tree of a different class.

"That's a Lob Lolly Pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet."

The foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy. He has been quick and got the answers right without using a calculator!!!!

One more test. They drive a little further down the road and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window and says, "And what about that one?"

Before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, "White Oak, 242 board feet at best."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little ticked off because he thinks the redneck is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks Bubba to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there?" "I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree!!"

The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot, how would he know which is the front of the tree?"

When Bubba reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.

"That thar's the front," the redneck says.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, "Cuz somebody took a sh-t behind it!"

He got the job and is now the foreman!

(Thanks, Frank!)

The Blog

Just out of curiosity, I looked to see when I started this blog. December 28, 2007! It says I have 385 posts. Wow! That's a whole lot of posts!!

I remember when I first started out. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do this. I thought to myself, "What will I ever say?" Well, obviously I've had quite a bit to say! LOL!!

For the most part, I put jokes or stories up, or I put up a favorite I Can Has Cheezeburger photo. Sometimes I have something to say. But for the most part, I enjoy making people laugh. I also like to make people think. I read each and every comment. I find that very important. If you care enough to stop by and leave a comment, I read it and then respond to let you know that I'm very glad you stopped by. I even have some followers! I think that is SO cool!

In this "almost" year I have made many, many wonderful friends. I have grown quite fond of all of you. There's, just to name a few, Carol, Jayne, Jan, Jenni, Daryl E, River Poet, Larry & SWMBO, St. Blogwen, Josh, Gregg, Anita, Sandi, Nathan (who I owe my start to), Steve (Brooklyn Parrots), Nikki, Jamie, Deanne, Karin and many more. I am honored that even my family reads my blog!
I started out by reading one house blog... I found it through The New York Times. That blog is gone (they finished building their "vacation" home) and it mushroomed from there. I found so many wonderful blogs through houseblogs.net -- and I found others through curiosity in the comments left on those house blogs (they are my true passion). I have so many favorites that it sometimes takes me 3 days to read them all! I try to leave a comment when I stop by, but sometimes I don't because so many others have already said what I would have said.

I have learned a ton of cool things about restoring and renovating a home. I've learned how to put all those cool gadgets on my blog from seeing something that I really liked on someone's blog and followed the link to put it on mine. At first, I had to ask how to do things, but I eventually gained the confidence to figure out how to do a lot of it on my own. Most of the time it works, but every now and again I just can't get it to work.

So, I think I just wanted to let all of you know how wonderful you are and how much I admire you. Each one of the blogs has enriched my life.

And, Diana, I am honored that you always manage to read my spot every day.

Recipe

I'm posting this for people who know who Gracie Allen was (and some who can simply appreciate a good recipe.)

Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef:

1 large Roast of beef

1 small Roast of beef

Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.

When the little one burns, the big one is done.

What love means...

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. They are all adorable!

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love..' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4 (Love this one)

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6 (Awwww)

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.' Emily - age 8 (Too cute!)

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (My favorite)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody, you don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5 (Too cute)

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4 (Awww)

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' Karen - age 7 (What an image!)

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6 (LOL)

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8

This one tops the others in my opinion: The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Christmas Spirit

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Tagged :-)

I have been tagged!

I have been tagged by my dear friend Carol at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/ to do a post listing five addictions I have.

So the name of the game is ADDICTION......

The rules of the tag are as follows:

Name five things you are addicted to.
Write a post.
Next invite five other bloggers to participate in the tag.
Then notify each of the bloggers you picked that they have been tagged.

Now here goes....

1. My Computer.... That just goes without saying! I love to blog, to check on all of my blogger friends, play games, enter my points for My Coke Rewards.

2. The Big Bang Theory.... I absolutely LOVE that show! I try to never miss it. I definitely get the humor!

3. Solitaire.... Spider, Free Cell, Pyramid, Golf... so many games, so little time....

4. Candles..... Spice, Pumpkin, Apple Cinnamon, Cucumber & Melon, Eucalyptus... candles in jars, candles on pedestals...

5. Bookworm...... My nephew Mike introduced me to this game. I liked it so well I purchased it and have been hooked ever since!

OK, there you have it.... My secrets are out..... Now it's your turn.....

I am now supposed to tag five other bloggers. If I haven't tagged you, and you would like to join in the fun, please consider yourself tagged.....

Larry over at http://simpsonsfolly.blogspot.com/

Jenni over at http://1311vernon.blogspot.com/

Jayne over at http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/

Nate over at http://nodaknateinnyc.blogspot.com/

and

Daryl E over at http://onthem104.blogspot.com/

I can't hardly wait to see what you post!

Memories of Christmas

There is excitement in the air! Christmas will soon be here. I watch some people carefully count their pennies and decide what they can buy with what little they have, and I watch some people spend like money is no object. There are people everywhere pushing, shoving, grabbing, sneering; and there are some who just quietly move out of the "movers and shakers" way and then continue on when the rush has moved on.

Someone asked me today if I remembered what Christmas smelled like. Oh most definitely I do! The air smelled fresh and clean -- it smelled of snow. There were smells of pine trees (no one had an artificial tree when I was little). There were smells of wreaths, turkey, pumpkin pie, oranges and cloves that wafted through the air sometimes when you passed someone's house... and the smell of church and the candles from the midnight service when we would sing Silent Night and they would turn the lights off so that you sang by candlelight.

We didn't have very much when I was growing up. If we had a tree it was because it was the only one left in the lot and it was a "Charlie Brown" tree that no one else wanted. To me it was absolutely beautiful. There were construction paper ornaments, and ornaments that were given to us. The gifts were few.... I cherished every book, every puzzle, every pair of pajamas... I even still have some of the books and I have one puzzle that my Sister gave me. I even kept a yellow chenille robe that she gave me... of course it is so old that there isn't much left of it.

We might not have had much, but we had family; and those Christmases were absolute magic to me.

Winters of Long Ago...

This is absolutely delightful. A trip back in time that I hope is enjoyed by all!

http://www.greatdanepro.com/Winters%20Long%20Ago/index.htm

(Thanks, Sandi!)

Why The Printer Doesn't Work

I sure hope this link works because this is hysterical!

http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y20/PerthPurplePenguin/vids/?action=view&current=cvUMHvLZ.flv

Hogwarts...

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

The Human Body

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.

1.. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. the more you dream.
2.. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
3.. The smallest is the male sperm.
4.. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5.. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6.. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7.. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8.. A full bladder is roughly the size of a softball.
9.. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
10.. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as an encyclopedia.
11.. It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
12.. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13.. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14.. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15.. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16.. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17.. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18.. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19.. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20.. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21.. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
22.. At this very moment I'm sure you are putting this last fact to the test... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well.

You did it -- I know you did ! (yes, I did)

Thanks, Larry!

Been there...

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

A New Country Song

This is hilarious!!!

http://videos.komando.com/2008/02/20/

(Thanks, Ron!)

A Bit of Yesterday...

Lorenzo - The Flying Frenchman

This is absolutely amazing! Enjoy!

http://canecorso.com/lorenzo.htm

Pecans in the Cememtery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

Lord put one hand on my shoulder and one hand over my mouth!

(Thanks, Frank!)

Be Careful Out There...

Birthday Clock

Click on the link below and find out some cool stuff about your birthday!

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

Maxine Does it Again

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is why...

I don't put up a Christmas tree (and no, it's not my kitteh, but it is something my two girls would do)!

And then the fight started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, what's on TV?

I said, dust.

And then the fight started.

===========================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started.

===========================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started.

===========================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply forSocial Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left mywallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started.

============================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?

''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.

''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.

===========================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.











I have been Typelayzered!

River Poet over at http://gettheetoapoet.blogspot.com had this cool spot http://www.typealyzer.com/ on her blog, and naturally I had to check it out.

Thanks, River Poet, for pointing me toward Typealyzer, which analyzes blogs based on Meyers-Briggs personality typing. According to the analysis, I am an "ESFP - The Performers" type blogger!

Munsters

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

________________________________

Only in America..... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

________________________________

Only in America..... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

________________________________

Only in America..... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

________________________________

Only in America...... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

________________________________

Only in America..... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

________________________________

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?________________________________

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?________________________________

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?________________________________

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
________________________________

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?________________________________

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?________________________________

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?________________________________

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?________________________________

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
________________________________

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
________________________________

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?________________________________

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
________________________________

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
________________________________

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?________________________________

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?________________________________

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?________________________________

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

(Thanks, Jan!)

Family

My sister is coming for the weekend! Wahoo!!

So, my posting may be a little wonky until after Monday!

Success

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Tagged...

I've been tagged!.......

I've been tagged by my good friend Carol, at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/. She has lovely posts about tea and cider mills and turkeys and family.... please pay her a visit. I guarantee that you will love her spot!

This is how the tag works.......

Share seven random or weird Book facts about yourself.Then tag seven other people.

Notify the seven others that they have been tagged.

So here goes.....

1. If someone loans me a hardcover book, I make a book jacket out of paper so that I don't get finger prints all over the cover.

2. One of the scariest books I ever read was Christine.

3. I love Sherlock Holmes, Ellery Queen and Agatha Christie.

4. I have some of the books that I used to read to my son when he was little. They are of of great sentimental value to me. I loved to read to him and he now reads some of the same books to his kids.

5. I used to walk from my house to the Public Library on Fort St. by Southwestern every other day. I would take out 3 books at a time.

6. I love to read Nicholas Sparks' books. My friend buys them and lets me read them first. I think I've read everything he has written!

7. I have all the Harry Potter books, AND I've pre-ordered JK's new one!

The following people are the seven I have chosen for the tag. If you are not on the list and would like to participate please feel free. Just leave me a comment so I will have the opportunity to read your post...

1. Jayne over at http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/
2. St. Blogwen over at http://www.sowsearhouse.blogspot.com/
3. Larry over at http://simpsonsfolly.blogspot.com/
4. Miss Kitty over at http://educatedandpoor.blogspot.com/
5. Nathan over at http://nodaknateinnyc.blogspot.com/
6. Anita over at http://vasavana.blogspot.com/
7. Julie over at http://celticanamcara.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Maxine - My Hero!

Senior Funny

Thanks, Carol & Ron! I am so glad someone worked out a chart to put my life in perspective! LOL!!

3 Old Guys

'Sixty is the worst age to be,' said the 60-year-old man. 'You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.'

'Ah, that's nothin,' said the 70-year-old. 'When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!'

'Actually,' said the 80-year -old, 'Eighty is the worst age of all.'

'Do you have trouble peeing, too?' asked the 60-year old.

'No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.'

'So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?'

'No, I have one every morning at 6:30.'

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, 'You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?'

'I don't wake up until 7:00.'

Get Out of the Car

This could probably be me at some point... LOL!!!

Happy Birthday, Sissy

Today my wonderful, smart, funny, best friend, sister (she's the one holding squirmy Sydney) turns 81! She is one a million, and I am so glad she is my sister!

Mid-life Crisis

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

'Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis.

(Thanks, Frank!)

Will Rogers

A Great Man.. With an unusually wise sense of humor. I've always enjoyed reading his stuff...........

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wiley Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

(Thanks, Linda!)

In Honor...

Depressed Economy

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily Thought:
"Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs."

(Thanks, Larry!)

A Small Rant

You know, I have worked hard for what I have. I take pride in what I have.

And then, there are those who don't care what you have or how hard you've worked for what you have or the fact that you take great pains to keep what you have nice.

Like the jerk that keyed my car. I don't know the reason, nor do I care. The fact that someone is SUCH A JERK makes me want to knock his/her block off! I just couldn't believe my eyes.

There. I feel better already. Thanks for listening!

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING -- SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!

911 Calls

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot ! This is her husband!


And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

(Thanks, Jan!)

The Banana Test

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall cocoanut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree. Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully . . .. Try and answer within 30 seconds !!!

Got your answer? Now scroll down to see the analysis.



If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax! Try again next year. Yeah ............. I fell for it too!!!

Thanks, Jayne!

Vote

Don't forget to vote!

A little food for thought:

If there is a country in the world where concord, according to common calculation, would be least expected, it is America. Made up, as it is, of people from different nations, accustomed to different forms and habits of government, speaking different languages, and more different in their modes of worship, it would appear that the union of such a people was impracticable. But by the simple operation of constructing government on the principles of society and the rights of man, every difficulty retires, and the parts are brought into cordial unison.

Thomas Paine 1737-1809

By our vote we make and become part of history today.

Dear Cheeseburger...

Florida Business...

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.

'No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling *ss-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Seniors - don't mess with them!

(Thanks, Frank!)

Waiting for Pumpkin Pie...

Happy November!

The Law of the Garbage Truck

I was looking through my mail after I got home from work yesterday and happened upon this coming month's newsletter from my church. I scanned through the usual thank you's and congratulations in there.... info about dinners to raise money for various other churches, etc. As I got to the middle of the newsletter I saw the words "Law of the Garbage Truck" and it piqued my curiosity. Here is what the item from The Country Register of Michigan had to say:

"One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dum and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!"

Halloween is Coming

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...

BUMP...


Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...


Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)


The coffin stops.

Grandma's Letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ' For the love of God! ' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle fingerstuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon.

Love, Grandma

Boo

Guess What? I've been Boo-ed!

Oh what great fun!

I came home from work and fed the girls and did a little bit of this and a little bit of that... and then I sat down at my computer to see if I had any emails from my friends. Lo and behold, there was Carol over at the delightful http://charliandme.blogspot.com/ that dropped me this little surprise!

Now I am supposed to Boo as many friends as I can. I am very excited! Hee, Hee, Hee.....

Here are the rules: "Go to as many friends as you want and tell them they've been Boo-ed."

Have them link back to your blog to pick up their Halloween treat (picture) and tell them to Boo their friends. (Then put the picture in your side bar so everyone knows you've already been Boo-ed and to send the picture to someone else.)

Are you scared yet!!??

Boo!

I have to get going..... I have a lot of Boo-ing to do...

United States Map

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby. She wanted to know what the United States looked like.

Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby, and said, 'Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today.'

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map, correctly fitted and taped together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.

'Oh,' she said, 'on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together.'

This one is worthy forwarding... OVER AND OVER AGAIN...... AMEN!!!!!

Thanks, Linda!

So Cute!

Happy Blustery Autumn Day!

Priceless

Lipstick in School (Priceless!)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there wi th the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had be en to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers .. and then there are educators.

Mirror Lake

Thanks, Linda!

Happy Birthday, Scooter!

He's five today!

Love, Grandma McIntire XOXO

Chewing Gum

Potato

Well, A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, And finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they Called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland, and the Greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw!

Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.......


Are you ready for this?


Are you sure?


* * OK! Here it is! * *



* * A COMMONTATER * *

Thanks, Bill!

Fall Splendor

I don't remember where I got this, but when I saved it a gazillion years ago I saved it as judithann_Fall Splendor. It's one of my favorites.

The Gold Card...

The lovely Faith over at http://grandmafaith.blogspot.com/ has bestowed a most unique award on me!

She is absolutely a delight and has the coolest cow collection EVER! Stop by and pay her a visit!

The award comes with the following rules:

You may choose five people/blogs to give the award to.

Four have to be dedicated followers of your blog.

One has to be a new follower of your blog or live in another part of the world.

To share in the generosity and spirit of giving, I am in turn presenting this Gold Card to the following recipients:

Carol over at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/

Jayne over at http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/

Cool Nathan over at http://nodaknateinnyc.blogspot.com/

and the lovely and effervescent Deanne (who happens to live in Tokyo) over at http://sushizume.com/

Thank you, Faith!

There are many, many of my blogging friends that should have this award bestowed on them. When you stop by, please feel free to place it on your blog and give it to others. It's VERY hard to pick just four!

We Is Friends...

Kids Are Quick

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Kids Are Quick

(Thanks, Frank!)

Sack Lunches

This story was copied from a magazine called 'Renewed & Ready.'

What a story it is, by Beverly Brass as told to her by Denny Kukich of Wood Dale, Illinois ....

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. I fly frequently, and I always look for an opportunity to share Jesus with someone. I wondered who it might be this time because there were empty seats all around me. Not much of a chance to talk to anyone.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. 'This is more like it! OK, Lord, which one will it be? Who needs to hear about you?'

I decided to start a conversation. Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

'Chicago -- to Great Lakes Base. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Iraq .'

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached Chicago , and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time. As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to Chicago.' His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I was hungry, but could not bring myself to eat in front of them.

I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq. It's almost like you are doing it for him.' Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.

I forgot about be! Overwhelmed by her emotional response, I returned to my seat. She asked, 'Which do you like best--beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.' Now I felt guilty--I had dinner and the soldiers had only a sack lunch.

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, and said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed in Chicago I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.'

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little....

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others."

(Thanks, Frank!)