Speeding Ticket

Top this for a speeding ticket!

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location. Fortunately, the Marine pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi.

(Thanks, Frank!)

Tagged!

I'VE BEEN TAGGED...............by my friend Carol at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/

Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Tag four others.

Here we go:

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your significant other? Work
3. Your hair? Silver
4. Your mother? Heaven
5. Your father? Heaven
6. Your favorite thing? Music
7. Your dream last night? Troublesome
8. Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Fun
10. The room your in? Office
11. Your hobby? Crosswords
12. Your fear? Time
13. Where do you want to be in six years? Here
14. What your not? Nasty
15. Muffins? Cranberry
16. One of your wish list items? Scotland
17. Where you grew up? Michigan
18. The last thing you did? Worked
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Favorite gadget? Shredder
21. Your pets? Loved
22. Your computer? Old
23. Your mood? Happy
24. Missing someone? Always
25. Your car? Toyota
26. Something your not wearing? Pajamas
27. Favorite store? Sam's
28. Like someone? Many
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

Now I need to pick four people to tag..... Please feel under no obligation to do it but I thought it was fun.... If I haven't tagged you, and you would like to participate, I would love to hear from you...... The following are the four people I have chosen:

http://gettheetoapoet.blogspot.com/
http://onthem104.blogspot.com/
http://jamiesmindlessblather.blogspot.com/
http://fireflynights.wordpress.com/

When To Start Cussing?

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what,' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing.

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with h*ll and you say something with *ss.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast. He replies, 'Aw, h*ll, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat *ss it won't be Cheerios!'

PASS IT ON IF YOU LAUGHED!!!!!

(Thanks, Frank!)

Something Pretty

Lavender Farm

Beer Bottle Orchestra

I am sure hoping this works, because this is SO cool!!! (Thanks, Carol! This was GREAT!)

The Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache. It worked! The headaches are all gone.'

His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'

The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her pn the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'

The husband says, 'Don't move! I'll be right back.' He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, 'She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!'

His funeral service will be held on Saturday!

(Thanks, Carol!)

Countertops

This is a very interesting article from the NY Times!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/24/garden/24granite.html

I was so excited and pleased to find out that my friend Carol over at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/ had given me this cool award! Thank you, Carol! Of course, I would like to send the award right back to you because you have a wonderful blog filled with stories of tea and tea parties, Charli, family, friends and your beautiful yard and gardens.

The rules for excepting this award are as follows:

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.

3. Nominate seven other blogs.

4. Add links to those blogs on your blog.

5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

This becomes the most difficult part of receiving an award for me. How do I chose seven blog's out of all of the wonderful blog's I visit?

Since I can only pick seven then here goes.....

1. Maggie over at http://1901house.blogspot.com/ She has pictures and how-to's on restoring her home, such lovely flowers and the cutest little dog....

2. Nate over at http://fargo1928.blogspot.com/ He is a wonderful young man who started out fixing up a house and ended up with the excitement of going to New York to become a model.

3. Jayne over at http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/ She is a whirlwind with those shingles! She is smart, hard-working and she makes me laugh!

4. Miss Kitty over at http://educatedandpoor.blogspot.com/ She is in education and is still sane! She has lovely Myrtle Mae and all those lovely kittehs!!

5. Sandi over at http://sandimcbride.blogspot.com/ She has a wonderful spot! And there's Pye (who's running for Prezzydent) and the lovely MindyLou (who's running for Veep) and canning instructions....

6. Maryam over at http://moroccanmaryam.typepad.com/about.html She has the most DIVINE blog. Beautiful pictures. So many wonderful, interesting things to say... and

7. Deanne over at http://sushizume.com/ She is a delightful young lady that is a master at hooping. She teaches hooping, has a cool spot called TokyoMade, and her blog is a delight to read. And it all started with just one hula hoop!

I am hoping that you all enjoy your award. I really enjoy reading all of your blogs!

Sad News

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a crusty old man, and a little flaky at times, he was still considered as being a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosie Dough, plus they had one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Two Choices

This is one of my favorite stories! Thanks, Bill!

What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway.

My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: 'When not interfered with by outside influences, every thing nature does, is done with perfection.Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story: Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'!

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team. 'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces. If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.' So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.You now have two choices: 1. Delete, or 2. Forward

May your day, be a Shay Day.

Amazing!!

http://www.sonnyradio.com/swanlake.html

I hope this link works and you can see this performance. It is truly amazing.

The Raffle

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for the government.

(Thanks, Carol!!)

Beautiful

Autumn in Germany

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and> places> it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

(Thanks, Bill!)

FOR LEXOPHILES (those who play with words, or mess with common phrases)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will, is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A- flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered .

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

My kind of humor! Thanks, Carol!!!

The Flag Draped Coffin...

I hope you take the time to read this ... To understand what the flag draped coffin really means ... Here is how to understand the flag that laid upon it and is surrendered to so many widows and widowers.

Do you know that at military funerals, the 21-gun salute stands for the sum of the numbers in the year 1776?

Have you ever noticed the honor guard pays meticulous attention to correctly folding the United States of America Flag 13 times? You probably thought it was to symbolize the original 13 colonies, but we learn something new every day!

The 1st fold of the flag is a symbol of life.

The 2nd fold is a symbol of the belief in eternal life.

The 3rd fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing the ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of the country to attain peace throughout the world.

The 4th fold represents the weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The 5th fold is a tribute to the country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."

The 6th fold is for where people's hearts lie. It is with their heart that They pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.

The 7th fold is a tribute to its Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that they protect their country and their flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of their republic.

The 8th fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day.

The 9th fold is a tribute to womanhood, and Mothers. For it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The 10th fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of their country since they were first born.

The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies in the Hebrews eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in the Christians eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit.

The 13th fold, or when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding them of their nations motto, "In God We Trust."

After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for them the rights, privileges and freedoms they enjoy today.

There are some traditions and ways of doing things that have deep meaning. In the future, you'll see flags folded and now you will know why. Share this with the children you love and all others who love what is referred to, the symbol of "Liberty and Freedom."

MAYBE THE SUPREME COURT SHOULD READ THIS EXPLANATION BEFORE THEY RENDER THEIR DECISION ON THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.

FORWARD IT; MAYBE SOMEONE WITH THE NECESSARY POWER, OR POLITICAL AND FINANCIAL INFLUENCE, WILL GET IT TO THEM. IN THE MEANTIME, MAY GOD PROTECT US ALWAYS.

ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.

(Thanks, Carol!)

The T-Shirt

From my niece in Wyoming! Thanks, Linda!

OK, where can I order mine? I'd wear one to Walgreen's (except, I don't shop there).

This shirt should be a hoot at the post office also.

I'll bet if we put our heads together, we can come up with a great list of fun places to wear this shirt and stir up all kinds of discontent. K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Target, KFC, & McDonald's, all just came to mind! Gee, it's exciting when I get inspired.




Don't just sit there, jump in and be 'politically correct' with me!

PASS THIS ALONG!

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes...

(READ THEM OUT LOUD)

1) That's not right.....................................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..................Hu Yu Hai Ding?
3) See me ASAP.......................................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...........................................Dum Gai
5) Small Horse..........................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?........................Wai Yu So Tan?
7) I bumped into a coffee table....................Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift.......................Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...............................Wai So Dim?
10) I thought you were on a diet..................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone.........................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week. .Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight................................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile...................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...................Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great...................................................Fu Kin Su Pah

Something Pretty

Thanks to my niece, Linda, from WY!

Computer Software

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

______________________________________

REPLY: Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

(Thanks, PoppiSam!)

A Tag

I got tagged by Mae over at http://precious-maeday.blogspot.com/ This is one of my favorite inspirational stories.

*** Start Here ***

Rules:
1. Simply copy the inspirational story and in the end write down the lesson you have learned out from this.
2. Put your own blog name and link. Pass or tag this to your friends to inspire them.
3. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog.

--- The Best Gift Ever ---

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college.For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.

Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study.His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible?"And stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.

Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, "And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessing because they are not packaged as we expected?

I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for... PLEASE SEND THIS TO AT LEAST FIVE PEOPLE SO AS TO LET THIS GREAT LESSON FLOW AROUND.

***End Copy***

Lesson Learned: Cherish gifts given from the heart and the spirit in which they are given.

I will be sending this onto:

http://charliandme.blogspot.com/
http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/
http://hennhouse.blogspot.com/
http://stblogwen.blogspot.com/
http://1311vernon.blogspot.com/

Guess Your Number!

http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf


I wonder how they do that?!

(Thanks, Di!)

Monsters

This is absolutely priceless. I just love this little girl. She is SO cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVn27YXEWho

(I got this from my friend Jayne's blog. I laughed so hard.)

Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Word Puzzle

I could not figure it out and had to look at the answer. See if you can figure out what these words have in common. I will post the answer tomorrow!

1 Banana
2 Dresser
3 Grammar
4 Potato
5 Revive
6 Uneven
7 Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try. Look at each word carefully.

(You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.)

This Is Cool.

Answer: No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters. (Thought I had the answer, but I did not go far enough.)

The Pond

An elderly man in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely, with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Remember old men can still think fast.

(Thanks, Di!)

Talking USMC Dog!

A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagle sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Beagle looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services... the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is 'The Devil Dogs.'

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.

I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because it's just bull... He never did any of that stuff. He was in the Navy!"

(Thanks, Carol!)

Honors!!

I am so honored! My friend Daryl over at http://onthem104.blogspot.com/ (out & about in new york city) has bestowed a personally made blog award!

I am so delighted that she finds my spot "just plain fun to read".

I think this is such a great award that I am going to pass it on. They will be in no particular order. I sure hope I don't miss anyone because there are many, many blogger friends that I love to visit!

Naturally I wish to bestow that award right back at Daryl!

Here goes:

Aimee over at http://aimeeroo.com/
We are in over at http://americanfoursquare.blogspot.com/
Josh over at http://bungalow23.com/
Julie over at http://celticanamcara.blogspot.com/
Carol & Charli over at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/
Ree over at http://thepioneerwoman.com/
Jayne over at http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/
Karen in Wichita over at http://quickerfixerupper.blogspot.com/
Kate over at http://dogmogblog.blogspot.com/
Miss Kitty over at http://educatedandpoor.blogspot.com/
Christine over at http://frontporchindiana.blogspot.com/
Dynochick over at http://gearacres.blogspot.com/
Goddess over at http://goddessof4.blogspot.com/
Jamie Dawn over at http://jamiesmindlessblather.blogspot.com/
Michael & Cherie over at http://mandcbuildahouse.typepad.com/
Larry & SWMBO over at http://simpsonsfolly.blogspot.com/
http://oliversbungalow.blogspot.com/
Jen & Stan over at http://1880queenanne.blogspot.com/
Kimberley over at http://tallulahhouse.blogspot.com/
John over at http://thedevilqueen.blogspot.com/
Gregg over at http://petchhouse.blogspot.com/
William over at http://www.theyoungcampaigner.com/
Jenni over at http://1311vernon.blogspot.com/
Gary over at http://thisoldcrackhouse.blogspot.com/
Fred & All over at http://www.oneprojectcloser.com/

Automobile industry in trouble

This sums it up rather well!

Great analogy on why the automotive industry is on so much trouble.

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses. The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles ), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US claiming they can't make money paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses.

AND....... IF THIS WEREN'T SO ACCURATE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY.

(Thanks, Carol!)

Two Little Old Ladies...

Well, I'll be....

Sandra,

We're so sorry if you experienced any issues with Double Points Day on June 25th. To make it up to you, we are planning additional great offers in the weeks and months to come. Keep enjoying your favorite participating My Coke Rewards brands so you can get more rewards and prizes.

Our sincerest apologies,

My Coke Rewards Team

Relax!!!

When life is hard and payday is still so far away, and when the salary comes it's not enough, there is only one thing to do...

(Thanks, Michele!)

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'.

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, 'Son..what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS!

Thanks to Tom from Senior Moments!