Something to tickle your funny bone!

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6..You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps!
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up!!!!
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27..The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28..The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!Life is too short and friends are too few!

Thanks, Wing!

Something Cute!

THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE...

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are:

A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it.. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN



If you have chosen:

A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples.

B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas.

C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries.

D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches.

E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges.

Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my butt!

Well, you won't find me because...

I am still hunting down The Butt who sent this to me...

Have a Purrrr-fect Day!

(Thanks, Carol!)

Think before you answer a woman...

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

He never heard the shot.

(Thanks, Cheryl!)

Menu

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: $5.00
+ Broiled Missionary: $6.00'
+ Fried Explorer: $7.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ' Why such a price difference for the Politicians?

The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning.....'

(Thanks, Frank!)

I've Added a "Gadget"

My friend Carol over at Charli and Me had a link to this cool spot to take the Autumn Test. I was totally amazed that the things I picked described me down to the bone, so I posted the results and a link to the "test" at the bottom of this blog.

Take the test and have some fun!

Enjoy!

New Michigan Tornado Policy

NEW MICHIGAN TORNADO POLICY...

In the case of tornadoes sweeping through Michigan we are asking all Michiganders to take shelter at Ford Field located at the heart of Detroit City.

We are fairly certain a touchdown will not occur there.

(Thanks, Carol!)

Say Acorn!

Thanks, Jan!

The Train of Life

This is great!

http://www.lindwa.com/Train.htm

Thanks, Wing!

The YaYa Sisters

AND REMEMBER:

GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS.YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM, BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!

(Thanks, Sissy!)

I hope you can access the website...... The pictures are great. If you can't, just copy and paste the link.

http://home.att.net/~hideaway_today/t133/noah.htm

(Thanks, Sissy!)

These are good reminders!

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS...

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself.
Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the kid in you.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

(Thanks, Carol!)

A Few Years Ago Today...

Happy Birthday, Mikey!

(that would be the great looking guy in the red shirt)

What Kind of Turkey?

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged turkey running at the same speed beside his truck. Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the turkey.

The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged turkey. The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged turkey.

As the man watched in amazement, the turkey suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm. The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the turkey to the small farm, parking out front.

Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged turkeys. After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged turkeys.

"Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a turkey leg with an average turkey. But with a three legged turkey, each member of the family can enjoy a turkey leg for of their own on Thanksgiving."

"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked, "Well how do your 3-legged turkeys taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."

Q: What is a tree's favorite drink? A: Root beer!

Q: What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? A: You can chop beef, but you can't pea soup!

My goodness! I have an award from Grandma Faith at http://grandmafaith.blogspot.com/. You've made MY day! You do know, of course, Faith, that I am going to have to award it right back to you! All of you will have to drop in and visit her and see all of her lovely cows!

I think what Faith had to say about bloggers and their comments is just perfect, so I am going to borrow her words and put them here.

Many of them already have this prestigious award on their blogs. It is a pleasure to be a part of such a wonderful community. I would like to pass the award along to some other bloggers whose comments I always look forward to reading.

I believe the rules are as follows:

1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award.

2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to his/her blog so that it can be visited by everyone.

3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link of the blog that presented him/her the award.

4. The award winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5. Show these rules.

Blogging is a wonderful form of sharing and meeting new friends and can’t be complete without acknowledging that we’ve actually been there. It wouldn’t be as special without exchanging thoughts, comments and support. I would like to pass the award along to 5 Super Commenters who always brighten my day with their comments:

1. St. Blogwen over at http://www.sowsearhouse.blogspot.com/ She and her 4-legged family are absolutely wonderful and she always has something delightful to say when she stops by!

2. Grandma Faith over at http://grandmafaith.blogspot.com/ She has the most delightful collection of cows and leaves wonderful words behind when she comes by!

3. My friend Carol over at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/ She has the prettiest blog spot. There are flowers and birds, tea and books and, of course, the lovely Charli! Her comments always make me laugh or smile!

4. There's We are in over at http://americanfoursquare.blogspot.com/ She is so talented. She sews all sorts of things and I always love it when she stops by for a visit!

5. And Karin over at http://hennhouse.blogspot.com/ Karin has the sweetest family. She has a wisdom far beyond her years and a heart as soft and gentle as can be. She has a beautiful blog and the words always touch my heart or makes me laugh when she stops by.


Of course, you know, there are many, many more than just 5! It is very hard to pick from all the wonderful people that stop by to see what zanies I have posted!

Dog's Purpose

Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolf hound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

(Thanks, Bill!)

Togetherness

Happy 19th Anniversary, Hubby!

What a nano second looks like.

It's Raining

We've had quite a dry spell through July and August. Poor grass went dormant and the flowers, well, let's just say they were happy with garden hose water.

It started raining yesterday. I'm happy. My grass is happy, and I'm expecting my flowers to start jumping out of their pots and beds! The bird baths are full. The birds are happy because now there's lunch all the time with the earthworms trying not to drown....

But, I honestly didn't think we would make up for all that lack of rain in just three days. Yep. It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow (and Monday), too. Now there is a flood watch.

But, honest, I'm really not complaining!

Little Black Box

An explanation. You will notice a widget with a black box in it. This is SO cool. I found this through one of my blogger friends, Daryl. If you click on the center of the Black Box you can make choices and it will take you to a blog that has your interests. It is a whole lot of fun. Go ahead. Check it out!

Stuck on You!

This is an oldie but a goodie! Enjoy! (Thanks, Carol!)

http://home.comcast.net/~singingman7777/SOY.htm

Something Cute

Maxine!

Anger Management

Husband says:
When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife says:
I clean the toilet...

Husband says:
How does that help?

Wife says:
I use your toothbrush....

(Thanks, Bill!)

Coffee Machine

This is cute. I don't know how folks figure all this stuff out. Enjoy

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON OPEN ENJOY! Don't forget to click on OPEN!!!

http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf

Thank You, Grandma Faith!

My newest blogger friend, Grandma Faith over at http://grandmafaith.blogspot.com/ has given me a wonderful award. She has a delightful spot and you should pop over there.

Now it is my turn to pass this award on to seven blogs I enjoy (actually, this is the hardest part because there are TONS more than seven that I enjoy):

http://daintydigs.blogspot.com/

http://1311vernon.blogspot.com/

http://tallulahhouse.blogspot.com/

http://simpsonsfolly.blogspot.com/

http://onthem104.blogspot.com/

http://mandcbuildahouse.typepad.com/

http://fishandfrog-turtleandblog.blogspot.com/

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

I can't remember if I've posted this one before (and I'm too lazy to look), but I love this!

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

*Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

(An oldie from my good friend Carol!)

The Most Dangerous Chocolate Cake Recipe

Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

1 Coffee Mug
4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
Small splash of vanilla

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.

Add the egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!

Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to share!)

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Thanks, Frank!

p.s. I haven't tried this because I don't have a microwave.... but it sounded so good I just HAD to post it!

GET YOUR FLAG READY!

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.~ Helen Keller

Please join in this FLY THE FLAG campaign. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America.

THE PROGRAM:
On Thursday, September 11th, 2008, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this seventh anniversary of one our country's worst tragedies. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do ...

Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year -round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day. Thank you for your participation. God Bless You and God Bless America!

I got this from a friend in an email and thought I would post it here.

I have a magnetic flag on my front door at all times. I would "fly" one, but it would get caught up in my trees and that would never do!

Thanks, Gene!

Lessons From Geese

This is one of my favorite "lessons".

Editor's Note: "Lessons from Geese" was transcribed from a speech given by Angeles Arrien at the 1991 Organizational Development Network and was based on the work of Milton Olson. It circulated to Outward Bound staff throughout the United States. We share it here with the alumni community hoping that we can all learn these lessons.

FACT 1:
As each goose flaps its wings it creates an "uplift" for the birds that follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

LESSON:
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

FACT 2:
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.

LESSON:
If we have as much sense as a goose we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.

FACT 3:
When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies to the point position.

LESSON:
It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on each other's skills, capabilities and unique arrangements of gifts, talents or resources.

FACT 4:
The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

LESSON:
We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement (to stand by one's heart or core values and encourage the heart and core of others) is the quality of honking we seek.

FACT 5:
When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it to help and protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then, they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.

LESSON:
If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

How's That?

There's nothing like the truth is there?

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right:

You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually-transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this and then you tell me . . . . . I CAN'T PRAY?

(Thanks, Carol!)

GREAT ADVICE!

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout.. run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

I AM THANKFUL FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME!

I've been tagged!

......I'VE BEEN TAGGED!.....

My good friend Carol at http://charliandme.blogspot.com/ has tagged me! I am supposed to list six Quirks about myself.......

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. List 6 unspectacular quirks.
4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them on your post and then commenting them to let them know that they are "it."

Quirky things about me?... Oh my!...... Well here goes:

1. I have to have socks on my feet. HATE going barefoot!
2. Can't stand to hear a bag crinkle. Have absolutely NO idea why.
3. I love to listen to Christmas music all year 'round.
4. When I eat barbequed ribs or chicken, I have to have them plain. Don't like BBQ sauce!
5. I like to go into the grocery store, get what I came for and then leave.
6. I don't mind washing clothes or drying them, but I hate to fold them!

I have decided that instead of picking 6 bloggers, I will just ask that anyone who is interested in participating go ahead and do so. That way, there's no pressure to come up with Quirks! LOL

Snowy Owl

A thing of beauty! (I love owls!)