Wishing you all a happy, safe, healthy, prosperous New Year! XO
What this thing is still active?
16 years ago
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Merry Christmas!
This lovely picture is from my friend Snowflake at Christmas Cottage Corner on Facebook.
Merry Christmas, everyone!!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Computer Battle
Thanks to my friend, Frank!
This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments..
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs .
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed....
Finally, the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!' Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES ...
This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments..
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs .
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed....
Finally, the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!' Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES ...
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Oh Deere!
I borrowed this from a friend on Facebook. My kind of humor! Hope it tickles your funny bone!
Jim Bob is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old Green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Jim Bob rushes in and says, "What the heck're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good Lord, Jim Bob ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to atractor."
[Don't make me come 'splain this to you! Read the last line again, slowly.]
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Jim Bob rushes in and says, "What the heck're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good Lord, Jim Bob ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to atractor."
[Don't make me come 'splain this to you! Read the last line again, slowly.]
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A Giggle For You...
Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble....
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Memories
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
My Trip to the Store
My trip to the store
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to the best Mom there ever was. It's hard to believe you've been gone for 28 years.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Places to Go...
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART! Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year. You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done! Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!
Friday, March 2, 2012
I Can Relate!
Forgetter Be Forgotten?
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
CAN YOU RELATE???
Please send this to everyone you know
Because
I DON'T REMEMBER
WHO I SENTTHIS TO!
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
CAN YOU RELATE???
Please send this to everyone you know
Because
I DON'T REMEMBER
WHO I SENTTHIS TO!
LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH A LOT
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