Snicker

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items
The woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
For a television set in her purse.'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

Solution!

I got this from a friend of mine and loved the idea so much I thought I would share with all of you. It sure works for me!

"Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners.Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you,but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you."

Three Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

(Many thanks to a very wise woman who sent this me!)