Must be starting to plan the Memorial Day weekend menu early! LOL!
What this thing is still active?
16 years ago
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Who Knew?!
Well, while loving the new computer, I had issues. First, I must tell you that I'm a Wheel Watchers Fan. I belong to the Club. I put the answer to the Bonus Puzzle in every night... and then I got the new computer. No Sony.com.... and issues with Comcast email. WTF (pardon my French)?!
Well, I learned something today. You cannot view Sony.com with IE8. You cannot delete folders, move folders, or see certain things in Comcast mail with IE8. However, you CAN do these things with Google Chrome! What a marvelous thing. I think I'm going to like Chrome. All is right in my world once more. It takes such a little bit to make me happy!
What about you? Have you tried it? Let me know your likes and dislikes with Chrome. I will be very interested in your thoughts.
Well, I learned something today. You cannot view Sony.com with IE8. You cannot delete folders, move folders, or see certain things in Comcast mail with IE8. However, you CAN do these things with Google Chrome! What a marvelous thing. I think I'm going to like Chrome. All is right in my world once more. It takes such a little bit to make me happy!
What about you? Have you tried it? Let me know your likes and dislikes with Chrome. I will be very interested in your thoughts.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Interesting View...
NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
(Lastly.....)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
(Lastly.....)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
$$$$$
Well, it's done. The new computer is in and the poor old one is toast. The new monitor is awesome, but I can't get used to all that BRIGHT (drool now folks, it's a 20" widescreen)! The keyboard is much smaller than the old one, but it is easier to use (and a bit quieter). The new mouse is not as comfortable as the old Logitec, but it doesn't have a ball that I will have to clean cat hair off of. The speakers are a whole lot smaller than the old ones, but they sound SO much better. And then there's the new hardrive.... totally, flippin' AWESOME! I have all this space!!! All the crap, uh I mean stuff, from the old hardrive doesn't even make a dent on the new one. I think I'm going to like this. Just mark me spoiled!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Ketchup
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE."
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE."
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Bible and a Haircut
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son."You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying yourBible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your haircut."
The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
His father said he'd make a deal with his son."You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying yourBible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your haircut."
The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Darwin Awards
I love a Darwin Award as much as anyone, but lately there has been a dearth of Darwins and an abundance of Near Misses. I can only give you what I have, so forthwith are two of my favorite recent stories of Nearly Darwinian Misadventures. Enjoy!
CHUTES AND SPILLS -- Near Miss -- Unconfirmed
Iraq A group of Marines located some surplus parachutes that had been taken out of active circulation. The silk chutes were good for nothing more than providing shade in Iraq-- or midsummer mischief. To begin with, they popped two chutes and competed to see who could run 100 meters fastest while dragging a chute, but in short order the Marines moved on to more daring adventures.
The most prominent ideas floated were to either jump off the top of the barracks, or paraglide off the back of a truck driven along the beach. Obviously jumping off a building wasn't wise, and the long drive to the beach precluded immediate gratification. But why not deploy a canopy behind a car while driving, like a drag racing parachute?
With proper planning, this might have caused no more damage than a missing bumper, but without proper planning, it almost provided one Lance Corporal with a premature death. You see, in the interest of saving time, the Marines attached the chute to the driver instead of the car. The driver buckled in, and the chute was tossed out of the sun roof of the Eclipse.
The first two runs were a "failure" because the chute didn't catch enough air. After a brief moment of thought, the men held the chute open behind the Eclipse while the driver, now pumped full of adrenaline, revved the engine and popped the clutch. The stretch of road was no longer than 200 yards, but it was the longest drive ever taken by that Marine.
The canopy quickly expanded to its fullest, the loose cords pulled taunt, and the driver was lifted dramatically off his seat. He found himself suspended in the cabin of the car with only the seatbelt preventing him from being yanked through the sunroof. What with being pulled in different directions, the cord lacerations, and the fear of crashing into barriers a hundred feet ahead, he had had enough!
However, in his position against the roof of the cab, he couldn't do much about the situation. The young man realized that he had a legit chance of being the next dumb Marine to accidentally kill himself.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally managed to stretch his limbs far enough to depress the clutch and pull the emergency brake. The car stopped suddenly -- not to the sound of screeching tires, but to the sound of cracking fiberglass. With the car at rest, the Marine expected that he would slide back down to his seat and beat a hasty retreat from that death trap. Instead he remained inexplicably pressed against the roof of the cab. He struggled with the seatbelt, released the five-point parachute harness, and slithered out of the car, breathing a prayer of gratitude.
Observers had seen the parachute canopy sway violently from side to side behind the small car. At the very instant the driver had pulled the brake, the chute had caught on a concrete Jersey barrier next to the buildings. It was a gut-wrenching moment. If he had braked a foot later, the Marine would have been crushed between the opposing forces of the moving vehicle and the stationary parachute.
The loud cracking fiberglass noises were the sounds of the cords compressing the sunroof into the top of the car and breaking the spoiler loose from the trunk. The small crowd rippled with the nervous laughter of people who had narrowly survived a runaway roller coaster.
A sailor who witnessed the stunt from the E-club came running out with disbelief. "Are you trying to get a Darwin Award, Marine? Why did you do that?"
The Marine answered in the most matter of fact voice, "We got bored."
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2009-02.html
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
Putting the Pain in Propane -- Near Miss -- Confirmed by Darwin
December, Florida The District Chief of the Jacksonville Fire Rescue Department reports, "An engine company sent a request for us to extinguish a routine trash fire. The Lieutenant said, 'You gotta see this.' An intoxicated group of men had decided that throwing paint cans into their 55-gallon drum fire was fun, but not fun enough. They escalated the excitement by tossing in not one, but three 20-pound propane cylinders.
"Partially-empty cylinders are actually more dangerous than full ones because they cannot absorb as much heat prior to venting or exploding. The fun went south when one cylinder violently vented toward an unfortunate reveler. I cannot reveal the patient's name due to HIPPA laws, but he was transported to a burn unit for attention to his 'party favors.' I understand that the gene pool is still at risk from these rocket scientists, as the close call was not fatal."
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2008-12.html
CHUTES AND SPILLS -- Near Miss -- Unconfirmed
Iraq A group of Marines located some surplus parachutes that had been taken out of active circulation. The silk chutes were good for nothing more than providing shade in Iraq-- or midsummer mischief. To begin with, they popped two chutes and competed to see who could run 100 meters fastest while dragging a chute, but in short order the Marines moved on to more daring adventures.
The most prominent ideas floated were to either jump off the top of the barracks, or paraglide off the back of a truck driven along the beach. Obviously jumping off a building wasn't wise, and the long drive to the beach precluded immediate gratification. But why not deploy a canopy behind a car while driving, like a drag racing parachute?
With proper planning, this might have caused no more damage than a missing bumper, but without proper planning, it almost provided one Lance Corporal with a premature death. You see, in the interest of saving time, the Marines attached the chute to the driver instead of the car. The driver buckled in, and the chute was tossed out of the sun roof of the Eclipse.
The first two runs were a "failure" because the chute didn't catch enough air. After a brief moment of thought, the men held the chute open behind the Eclipse while the driver, now pumped full of adrenaline, revved the engine and popped the clutch. The stretch of road was no longer than 200 yards, but it was the longest drive ever taken by that Marine.
The canopy quickly expanded to its fullest, the loose cords pulled taunt, and the driver was lifted dramatically off his seat. He found himself suspended in the cabin of the car with only the seatbelt preventing him from being yanked through the sunroof. What with being pulled in different directions, the cord lacerations, and the fear of crashing into barriers a hundred feet ahead, he had had enough!
However, in his position against the roof of the cab, he couldn't do much about the situation. The young man realized that he had a legit chance of being the next dumb Marine to accidentally kill himself.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally managed to stretch his limbs far enough to depress the clutch and pull the emergency brake. The car stopped suddenly -- not to the sound of screeching tires, but to the sound of cracking fiberglass. With the car at rest, the Marine expected that he would slide back down to his seat and beat a hasty retreat from that death trap. Instead he remained inexplicably pressed against the roof of the cab. He struggled with the seatbelt, released the five-point parachute harness, and slithered out of the car, breathing a prayer of gratitude.
Observers had seen the parachute canopy sway violently from side to side behind the small car. At the very instant the driver had pulled the brake, the chute had caught on a concrete Jersey barrier next to the buildings. It was a gut-wrenching moment. If he had braked a foot later, the Marine would have been crushed between the opposing forces of the moving vehicle and the stationary parachute.
The loud cracking fiberglass noises were the sounds of the cords compressing the sunroof into the top of the car and breaking the spoiler loose from the trunk. The small crowd rippled with the nervous laughter of people who had narrowly survived a runaway roller coaster.
A sailor who witnessed the stunt from the E-club came running out with disbelief. "Are you trying to get a Darwin Award, Marine? Why did you do that?"
The Marine answered in the most matter of fact voice, "We got bored."
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2009-02.html
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
Putting the Pain in Propane -- Near Miss -- Confirmed by Darwin
December, Florida The District Chief of the Jacksonville Fire Rescue Department reports, "An engine company sent a request for us to extinguish a routine trash fire. The Lieutenant said, 'You gotta see this.' An intoxicated group of men had decided that throwing paint cans into their 55-gallon drum fire was fun, but not fun enough. They escalated the excitement by tossing in not one, but three 20-pound propane cylinders.
"Partially-empty cylinders are actually more dangerous than full ones because they cannot absorb as much heat prior to venting or exploding. The fun went south when one cylinder violently vented toward an unfortunate reveler. I cannot reveal the patient's name due to HIPPA laws, but he was transported to a burn unit for attention to his 'party favors.' I understand that the gene pool is still at risk from these rocket scientists, as the close call was not fatal."
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2008-12.html
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
3 Old Ladies from Florida
This is a detective story
So Pay Close Attention!!!
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park.
The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!!
You're gonna love it .
Answer:
It's the bottom of the fifth
and the bags are loaded!
So Pay Close Attention!!!
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park.
The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!!
You're gonna love it .
Answer:
It's the bottom of the fifth
and the bags are loaded!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Mayo
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico were crazy about mayonnaise. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
WHAT!!!! You expected something educational from me!
But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico were crazy about mayonnaise. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
WHAT!!!! You expected something educational from me!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Joke of the Day
How did the pig get on the roof? The swine flew.
(I know. I know. But I just couldn't resist!)
(I know. I know. But I just couldn't resist!)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
The Bathtub Test
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE??
(Thanks, Michele!)
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE??
(Thanks, Michele!)
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